WANT MORE QUALITY LGBT FILMS? THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

I know a lot of great independent film makers; many who specialize in LGBT films. Most of you who will come across this really have no idea just how difficult it is to get an LGBT film produced. There was a time when I didn't know either, but I've learned a lot over the years.

There isn't anyone waving a magic wand and POOF, suddenly a movie appears out of thin air. There is no shortage of great film ideas, scripts and talent... what there is a shortage of is MONEY. Evil, evil money. 

Major movie studios with billions of dollars rarely invest in LGBT themed films... and that is a shame. So, anyone wanting to produce an LGBT themed film must find the financing on their own, which is why the majority of LGBT films are independents. 

I personally have never heard of any rich people fully financing anybody's independent films. Wouldn't that be great if that happened? 

These days the most common way film makers try to raise the funds they need is through the crowd funding websites like Indiegogo, Kickstarter and GoFundMe. Most will be seeking less than $50,000 which is a very low budget in the film world, and of those, most won't even come close to hitting that goal because trying to get people to donate is like kicking a dead horse. The film maker will either have to scrap their film or try and produce it on the tiny amount of money the do get which makes for a lower quality production. 

Yet, people bitch and complain that there aren't enough good LGBT movies. 

For those lucky enough to produce a film on the small amount of money they get, even though their stories are fantastic, they then have to endure the negative comments and reviews on platforms like Amazon or Netflix, etc., bitching about the low quality. 

Bitch bitch bitch... all we ever do is bitch... but rarely does anybody step up to help. 

I'm connected to all of the film makers I know on one social media platform or another. Most of them have thousands of "friends" or "followers". Every time the film makers try to raise funds, if each of those people donated between $10 and $20, their production goals would be met and the films would be a much higher quality. But, again, kicking a dead horse.

What it boils down to is, we can't have it both ways. 

We can't expect film makers to just magically pull high quality films out of their butts. Film production is not cheap; the cast and crew, locations, permits, wardrobe, props, hair and makeup, craft services (food), editing, sound, lighting, color correction, music etc. 

The majority of film makers are not millionaires and depend on the support of donations, sponsors or major investors to do what they do... and all of that is difficult to come by. Many film makers go into major debt trying to produce their projects.

So, the next time you see a film maker trying to raise money for a project, make a donation... no matter how big or small... every dollar counts in independent film making. If you don't have the money to make a donation, then share the link to their crowd funding page on your social media and ask your "friends" and "followers" to donate. Do something! 

Also, the next time you feel the need to shred an LGBT film, or any independent film for that matter, in an online review, try to be a little more compassionate and keep in mind what the film maker had to go through in order to get that film made. In other words, try and be nice.   

BAY CITY ROLLERS DISAPPOINTMENT

I know my blog posts are normally film industry related, but tonight I'm going to go off topic for a moment. 

The other day, a woman I've known since I was 5 years old who used to live across the street from me, posted a Bay City Rollers video she came across to my Facebook page. The song was "I Only Want to Be With You". That made me smile. 

For anyone reading this who isn't familiar with the Bay City Rollers; they were a Scottish pop/rock band founded by Alan Longmuir (bass, piano) and his brother Derek Longmuir (drums). The group had other early members, but what's referred to now as "the classic lineup" includes Eric Faulkner (guitar, violin, mandolin), Stuart "Woody" Wood (guitar, bass, piano, saxophone) and Leslie MeKeown (lead singer). At the height of their fame in the mid to late 70s, they sold well over 100 million records. Their most popular song here in America was "Saturday Night", though a number of great songs were on the charts. Their fan base was mainly pre-teen and teen girls who could easily fall into mass hysteria of crying and screaming just at the mention of them. 

Over time there were a few other members like Ian Mitchell, Pat McGlynn and Duncan Faure. The group was most popular when Les McKeown was the lead singer, but musically, they were the best when Duncan Faure was the lead singer. 

The band members all hit hard times after the group disbanded because their money was so mismanaged, mishandled and moved around, they didn't have any. They spent years trying to get the millions they were owed. I'm not sure how that all turned out or if it's still ongoing. Last I heard they were still battling it out in the courts. I always felt bad for them that they had to go through that. 

Through the years, I've always kept up with what's happening with the guys as best as I can. There was a time long before the internet so we didn't have access to instant news and information. I've watched documentaries, read the books, bought the videos, CDs and DVDs. My playlists always include Bay City Rollers songs. 

Then along came the internet... and that evil bastard, social media. I've been following Les McKeown and Stuart Wood on Facebook for many years. Eric and Derek really aren't into it, though they do have people who update approved groups on their behalf and I never did follow Alan on social media. 

Les and Stuart have repeatedly let it be known through social media that they don't like each other. They have a long history of not liking each other going back to the 70's when they were still in the band. 

Les is the one who usually stirs the pot first when he posts something on social media. He's a typical self-absorbed bully. He was back then and he still is. He gets pleasure out of posting insults from the safety of his keyboard where he has an audience instead of dealing with people face to face. Stuart will then post something on Facebook in defense instead of letting it go or dealing with it offline.

I was shocked a few years ago when it was announced Les, Stuart and Alan were going to be touring for the Holidays. I even said out loud at the time "this isn't going to end well". Eric wasn't in it because he has been recovering from viral encephalitis and isn't able to travel and Derek wasn't involved. I suspect I know why, but I don't know for sure so I'll just keep that thought to myself. 

Just as I thought there would be, there was a bitter ending between Les and Stuart (you can Google about it to read the news stories). 

One item I read was Alan's and Stuart's wives got into a physical fight after one of the shows because one said something about the other's husband. Who does that? I don't know the details, I wasn't there. Mind you, the guys are all over 60 years old and I don't know how old the wives are but they've got to be well over 50 years old. Their behavior is just as bad, if not worse than 12 year old kids. 

Alan passed away last year. Eric is still recovering and doing much better playing small gigs here and there. Derek is still doing whatever it is he does. Les has a band and tours singing Bay City Rollers songs. Stuart started a New Generation Bay City Rollers band with younger musicians and himself. 

Les uses social media to make accusations against or insult Stuart... and of course Stuart responds in defense. 

Apparently this time it's all about who gets to use the Bay City Rollers name and how. I thought that had been settled in court years ago, apparently I'm wrong. 

Also, there's a sense of competition between the two of who was better friends with Alan and each of them accusing the other of trying to profit from Alan's death. 

Really? Seriously! I didn't make any of that up... you can't make that up. They should be ashamed of themselves.

The sickening part is, now, because they choose to use social media to air their dirty laundry, it's uglier than ever and people are getting into it that have no business being in it. The wives are still fighting each other and posting about it on Facebook, the administrators of the Facebook group pages, Pat McGlynn... they've all put their two cents in when it's none of their business. I haven't seen anything from Ian or Duncan... not sure if they've said anything or not... hopefully they're smart enough to stay out of it. 

Worst of all are the "fans". These guys and their wives bickering through social media has drawn battle lines between the fans and many have fallen for it and chosen sides. A lot of the comments I see make me sick! Here in America we have the Democrats and Republicans constantly going at it because the big orange man keeps the country divided by drawing out everybody's hate. That's exactly what's happening now between the Les fans and the Woody fans. I hear it's even gotten to the point where some "fans" are making threats. 

I guarantee there is not one "fan" on this planet who knows the full story of what's going on between these guys. You have Les' social media version and you have Stuart's social media version... and common sense should tell you that the truth lies right in the middle. 

This is what needs to happen before it escalates to the point where someone is physically harmed: Les, Stuart and the wives (who are just as responsible for the fan division) need to go on social media and denounce the "fans" making threats of any kind! Then they need to apologize for their unprofessional behavior. 

If there are issues Les, Stuart or anybody else associated with them feel need to be resolved legally, then they need to hire lawyers to sort it out in court. They need to keep it offline and deal with it professionally and privately. 

If they don't want to go to court, then Les can tour with his band and Stuart can tour with his band... it's NOT A COMPETITION. There's a lot of people out there who would happily pay to see both bands. 

Also... let Alan rest in peace already. I'm sure he cared very much about everybody. 

To the "fans", the majority of whom are well over 50 or 60 years old too and will undoubtedly Google the Bay City Rollers and come across this one day: just because social media has comment features, that doesn't mean you have to use them. Stay out of people's personal fights... it doesn't matter who it is... it's none of your business so act your age, scroll past them and butt out. Stop feeding the hate. That's just plain common sense. If you're among those who have made threats, I hope you get prosecuted to the full extent of the law for it. 

I want to continue to enjoy ALL of the surviving members of The Bay City Rollers just as I have for the last 40+ years, no matter what they're doing. I enjoy reading about the concert tours, interviews and appearances and other work. 

Most of all, this world just needs people to be kind to each other. GROW UP and be nice! 

Music is supposed to be the one common love and bond among ALL people. To tear it apart over petty bullshit is a tragedy. 

I'm sure this is not the legacy any of the guys wants to leave behind, but it's up to them to make it right. 

As always with my blog page, I moderate all comments and negative or cruel comments won't be approved. If you have a different point of view than mine, great! Write about it in your own blog page. 

LGBT FILMS DESERVE RECOGNITION

I've written extensively about my love of independent films... and LGBT themed films are among those. 

I've been a major LGBT Ally most of my adult life and have witnessed the struggles and the triumphs of the LGBT people as they strive to gain the basic human rights everyone should have... especially in this 21st century when we should be more evolved and bigotry shouldn't even exist anymore. 

We are NOT going to debate that issue here though. If you want an argument, start your own blog page. As always with my page, I moderate all comments received before they are posted and will not publish any mean or negative comments. Instead, I am going to spotlight and celebrate many spectacular LGBT independent films. All positive and constructive feedback is welcome.  

I personally have been a part of helping many great film makers with their gay themed films... anywhere from donating money to full hands-on production and everything in between. 

Unfortunately, the LGBT themed films are the most difficult to get funded so most are produced on very low budgets. Just because they are low budget doesn't mean they aren't fantastic stories and very enjoyable. 

I have to admit though that I am not as educated on lesbian themed films as I am the gay themed films. I'll try my best to remedy that, but I will also welcome any guest contributors who would like to spotlight a film on the page. 

Over time, I will be adding to the page. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Click HERE to see the page, and thank you for stopping by. 

MY SUPPORT OF INDEPENDENT FILMS!

My love of independent films goes back to when I worked in a mom & pop video store in Aurora Colorado called Movies on Call from 1986 - 1991. I wasn't familiar with the term "independent films" until I got that job. I'd seen several independent films over the years... just didn't know it. 

So many great films like Pink Flamingos, 1969, Papillon, Murder on the Orient Express, Straw Dogs, My Beautiful Launderette, Halloween, Alice, F/X, The Gods Must Be Crazy, Dirty Dancing, The Harrad Experiment, Sweet Alice, anything Andy Warhol or John Waters related, A Boy and His Dog... the list is endless.  

We were expected to watch as many movies as we possibly could so we could recommend movies to our customers or answer any questions they had. 

I had a major hurdle I had to overcome because I nearly lost that job in the first year. I loved horror movies when I was really young. In 1980, my friend Lisa and I talked my mom into taking us to see Friday the 13th and for some reason that movie just traumatized the hell out of me and from that point on I was scared to watch any horror movie and avoided them like the plague. I could still watch horror movies I'd seen in the 70s, but anything after that, I just couldn't.

One day the owner of the video store told me that I was going to have to get over my fear or she'd have to fire me. Mind you, this woman, who was my boss, is the mother of a girl I had been friends with since the 6th grade and was like a mother to me and here she is threatening to fire me from a job I was doing very well other than not watching horror movies. 

She told me she was going to give me a weekend off. We were normally allowed to take home up to 3 movies per day, but she would allow me to take 8 horror movies and watch all of them over the course of the weekend and she would quiz me about it on Monday. This was long before the internet existed so I wasn't able to fake it by looking up the plots in detail. 

I hesitantly looked through the horror section and picked some movies out all released after 1980: A Nightmare on Elm St., Graveyard Shift, Waxwork, Day of the Dead, Witchboard, Creepshow, Children of the Corn and My Bloody Valentine. 

I was 18 and still living at home with my parents at that time, but they were going out of town with the high school band my mom worked for on a band competition trip so I had the house to myself. 

I turned on every light in the house, stayed far away from the basement, set myself up in a chair with blankets and enough food and drinks so I'd only have to get up out of my safety cocoon long enough to change movies, use the restroom and let the dogs outside from time to time. I watched every one of those movies, and as time went on, I didn't have to hold the blanket over my face or peer though my fingers as my hands covered my eyes as much. 

I passed my boss' pop quiz on Monday with flying colors and was able to keep my job. I still had to watch horror movies, but at least I was able to pursue the love I had of the independent films by incorporating the independent horror movies into it. 

Most of the employees at the store concentrated on catching all of the popular blockbuster releases as they were released, but I preferred the films that most people had never heard of. My doing that came in handy a lot. Customers always came in asking for the new releases, but unless they reserved them, the first week or two it was impossible to get them. At that time we were the only video store for miles so it wasn't like they could just go to the next closest place. 

My recommendations of the independent films kept the majority of customers from leaving the store empty handed. I would often give them coupons to get movies at half price because some money was better than no money for the business. Not once did anyone ever say they hated the movies I recommended and in time, many of our regulars started asking for my recommendations. 

A Blockbuster Video store did open up across the street from us, and even though they always had more of the new releases, we had built such a bond with our customers, they kept coming to us and the store continued to make good money. Of course we had a porn section and Blockbuster didn't, which helped. 

In 1991, the owners of the store were burned out so they decided to sell the store. A man named Randy, who had been one of our customers for years, bought the store. He spent years working for the City of Aurora and had no idea how to run a business. His wife was an elementary school teacher and also had no idea how to run a business. 

They jumped in head first and immediately started making major changes to the store instead of taking baby steps so the customers wouldn't notice. They raised the rental rates and started to take steps to get rid of the porn since they were "Christians" (note: when he was a customer, he regularly rented the porn films but apparently his wife didn't know). We would butt heads over that because they were eliminating the two biggest reasons our customers didn't go across the street to Blockbusters. 

Finally things came to a head and he ended up firing me and another guy who had been there for a long time on the same day. I told him that day that he would run the business into the ground within the next 3 years. I was right, but it only took him less than 2 years to go out of business. I took great pleasure in going to the store after I heard about that to see the sign on the door that said the property management had locked them out because the rent hadn't been paid. 

In 1995, I was living in Houston Texas when an old acquaintance called me out of the blue. She was making a documentary film and was calling everyone she knew to see if they could chip in some money. I was dumbfounded by that. I was completely ignorant in what it took for film makers to produce all of those great independent films I loved so much. For some reason, I thought that films just got made. I mean, it's Hollywood right? 

She quickly schooled me on the process on independent film making. First you need an idea. Then you need a script. Then you need a realistic budget. Then you need to find talent. Then you need to find producers with money. Then you need to find locations. Then you need props and wardrobe. Then you need to find a crew, director, sound engineer, music composer (because you likely won't be able to afford the rights to use published music), cinematographer, editor, hair & makeup etc. who can work for what you can afford to pay... if you can afford to pay them... and it's hard to find people who will work for free. Then, it's common for the talent to drop out... and because of that, the investors pull their money out of it... and the whole process starts all over again. Many films take several years of this just to get to the point of real production... and many great scripts never get produced at all because of this.  

I had no idea. I did give her some money for her documentary. I couldn't afford much at the time but she was grateful for every penny she got. 

I decided then and there I was always going to do everything I could to help out, in any way I am capable of, to help independent film makers... and I would do it for free. If I was capable of doing something for free so the film maker could use the money for post-production where it was most needed, then that's what I do. 

For a long time I mainly focused on young, first time film makers who were just trying to get a foot in the door producing their films with almost no money. I did what my old acquaintance did... I would call people asking for money. I constantly had to network and meet new people because you can only ask the same people over and over for money before they start saying no. 

Most of the time I stay out of the production process and and leave that to the film maker and their producers. But I always pay attention. In time I learned quite a bit of how things worked and was able to offer a lot of insight, guidance and advice.  

Of course when I moved to California into the Los Angeles Country area, there was a lot more going on I could get involved in. I started going to a lot of film screenings and meeting people in the film and television industry. I always ask a lot of questions and always pass what I learn on to the young people. 

Sometimes the films make it onto the independent film festival circuit, most don't. Sometimes the films get picked up for distribution, most don't. Sometimes I get "thank you" credits or "producer" credits... sometimes I get no credit... it's up to the film maker depending on how hard they believe I work. I've never done it for the credits. The only demand I had was that I get to see the fished product. 

In December 2008, I lost the job I'd had for many years in a mass layoff right in the heart of that horrible recession. Life turned into a 3 year hell doing low paying temp jobs and trying to find full-time steady work that paid enough for me to live on. Life came to a grinding halt. Working on film projects was definitely out of the question since I usually spent some of my own money on them. I spent the majority of those 3 years completely alone and watched all of my savings and the life I'd built for myself draining away. I've still never recovered financially from it and probably never will. Three years in the film industry is a lifetime, and being away from it that long, I was way out of the loop. 

During my unemployment, I delved into social media for the first time in the hopes that someone I came across would help me find a job. That never happened, but I did find a lot of independent film makers on Twitter to follow and I kept up with the projects they were doing. I met some of the people who mean the most to me through Twitter.

By the time I was fully employed and able to function again, I started looking for projects to get involved with. 

The way film makers raised money for their projects changed dramatically in those 3 years. Gone are the days of calling and talking to people. Now we have crowd funding websites like GoFundMe, Indiegogo and Kickstarter. Film makers start a campaign and promote it on their social media and hopefully people will donate money to them. At first I thought this was a genius thing, but not so much anymore. I'll get back to that in a moment. 

I began to stray away from the young first timers and started to get involved with more seasoned film makers. It was a whole new world as everything was now on a different level. The projects were still being produced on a low budget, but they already had established themselves in the industry and had a reputation and a fan following. 

I had met many known actors over the years, especially when I went to film screenings. But now I was getting to work with them and it's been a complete honor. 

A small handful of the projects I've been involved in are listed on IMDb now, which is pretty cool. 

I was not only still working on independent films, I started to get involved in web series, music videos, music production and theater (which I hadn't done since high school). There's just so much to love about it all. 

Of course, in this universe, the good has to balance with the bad unfortunately. 

I have a tendency to make bad decisions from time to time. I'm far from perfect and am the first to admit it. I make mistakes but I've always had good intentions. I trust and care too much and it has cost me. 

Working with the young first time film makers, they're humble, full of dreams, open to ideas and eager to learn. Some of the more seasoned film makers have learned to play games they think they have to play to be successful. It's all about me me me. They learn to say whatever they have to say to get what they want. They want fame and fortune and don't care who they have to use and discard to get it. Some are master manipulators. Some are leeches who will use you just to get to the people you know like the directors and casting directors. Some have forgotten the meaning of gratitude and humility.  

The word "friend" gets thrown around way too much without real meaning. You're their best friend as long as you're of some use and when they don't have a use for you anymore, you're history.  

I found myself surrounded at one point by people who had absolutely nothing nice to say about others when they weren't around but kissed their asses in person and on social media. The people who publicly claim to be the most "spiritual" are the worst offenders. The pure phoniness became nauseating after a while.

I confronted one person I've worked with a lot about all of that and their response to me was "that's the game you have to play in Hollywood. You have to kiss the asses of people you don't' like to stay relevant". No you don't. Hollywood is a big place and there are many really good and successful people in the film industry who don't do any of that sleazy crap who are pure joy to be around and work with. I'm proud that I was strong enough to realize what was happening and step away from it. 

I mentioned before about how great I thought the crowd funding websites were, but I'm not so crazy about them anymore. I have contributed to way too many campaigns where the film maker collected a lot of money but didn't follow through with the project or return the donations. One collected over $30,000 and kept every penny of it without making the film. That should be illegal, but it isn't since the law hasn't caught up with the technology yet. Unfortunately, all of those projects I contribute to have actors in them I know well and really like so I have to pick my battles when creating waves to get money returned as to not damage the relationships with them and it's a horrible situation to be in. 

A couple of years ago I made the decision to dial it all back and do less for a while. There are some film makers and actors I would do anything for and will continue to support in any way I can, but I'm going to be very picky as to who I get involved with in the future. 

I would love to get back to working with the young first timers again. I know a lot more people in the industry now and have gained a lot more knowledge to share. 

While I don't expect everyone to get involved with independent films to the extreme I've been doing, it's my hope that more people will open their minds and at least go see these fantastic movies instead of the big money blockbusters for a change. Support the people who have great stories to tell but don't have millions of dollars to spend doing it. It's worth it! 

THEATER ETIQUETTE 101

Note: Picture from Google Images: Feel free to let me know if I need to credit someone for it and I will.

Today I overheard a couple of my coworkers talking about how they hate going movie theaters these days because there are always rude people talking, using their phones or bringing babies with them that cry constantly. 

They are right you know. This goes for movie theaters and live theaters. I'll get to that a little later, but listening to their conversation reminded me of my absolutely worst live theater experience, so I thought I'd share that with you first before we get to the etiquette part. 

This happened three years ago. There's a small theater in Los Angeles where I produced a couple of shows in 2015 and 2016. They were having a script reading festival in 2016 so writers could showcase their work in the hopes their plays would get produced. If you've never been to a live script reading, it's not a fully produced play. No sets, no costumes, no makeup. It's simply a group of actors reading from the script as the characters - usually in what's called a black box setting, which is a plain theater with black walls. I love going to live script readings because you're not distracted by anything and you can visualize in your mind the words that are being read. 

Two people who I really like, "Joe" and "Richard" (not their real names), who were a couple at the time, were in this festival. On Thursday night, there was a reading "Richard" directed, and on Friday night, there was a reading "Joe" was performing in. 

On Thursday night, the audience was seated... waiting... and waiting... and waiting... and waiting. 

Then, I see a guy come in who I'm going to refer to as "shithead" (not his real name, but close enough) with a friend of his. The person in charge of this festival made everybody wait for "shithead" to arrive before starting the reading. Who does that?

I never really cared much for "shithead". He's one of those people who is a master manipulator. Kind of like Paul Prenter was with Freddie Mercury and Sam Lufti was with Britney Spears if you're familiar with those stories. If not, Google them. "Shithead" loves to play people against each other. 

I couldn't stand to be around him because he would hug me, hard, which physically hurt. He doesn't know the meaning of the word "gentle". He did this thing where he would grab my head with both of his giant hands and put his mouth right at my ear and talk, not whisper, but talk in his deep loud Herman Munster voice, which also hurt. He never has anything nice to say about anybody but then kisses the asses of those same people he thinks can benefit him. Plus he complains non-stop and I got sick of hearing it. 

So anyways, the reading I saw that night that "Richard" directed was fantastic. 

The next day, "shithead" texted me. I don't recall giving him my phone number. I don't know if I gave it to him at some point for some reason I can't fathom or if that other person gave it to him. In the text he told me to "show up early for the reading so we can gossip". I had absolutely no intention of doing that. Since the show was scheduled to start at 8:00pm, I showed up at 7:45 like I always do. 

I was still walking up the street to the theater from where I parked when I see "shithead" running towards me. Naturally he had to give me one of those hugs that hurt my back but I got out of it pretty quick. Plus, I don't know what kind of cologne or lotion or whatever he was wearing, but he reeked of a rancid coconut odor that was overwhelming. The first words he said to me were "oh my god, why is "Joe" with "Richard"? Hes's so ugly". I told "shithead" that they were my friends I adore and asked him why he would say something like that to me. "Richard" is not ugly, he's a very handsome man. "Shithead" continued to talk about how gorgeous "Joe" was and I didn't want to hear it. I walked away from him and went to talk to "Richard" for some pleasant conversation. 

When the doors opened, "Richard" and I went in the theater and sat down next to each other in the back top row. A little while later, "shithead" comes in with a glass of wine in each hand, and yells from the bottom "I want to sit next to "Richard""... then proceeds to bound up the stairs towards us. He didn't give me an opportunity, or room, to stand up and move to let him by. He proceeds to climb over me, resulting in him spilling both glasses of wine on the floor and on the seats in front of us. He then yells really loud "god damn it Kerry"... like it was my fault... then he just sits down leaving the wine on the chairs. Since I had done work at that theater before, I knew where they kept paper towels, so I grabbed some and got one wet so I could clean off the chairs just in case anybody needed to sit there. 

The reading started, and "shithead" just wouldn't shut up. Mind you, this is a tiny theater that only seats anywhere between 40 - 50 people at the most. "Shithead" kept grabbing me by the arm, which hurt, and talking, loud, in the side of my head. I kept pulling away from him because I was trying to hear the dialog. He has no concept of talking quietly. He shouldn't have been talking at all. 

About 20 minutes into the reading, "shithead" grabs me by the arm and says "god this play is stupid", loud as usual. "Richard" and I both said, out loud, at the same time, "SHUT UP"... which disturbed everyone in the theater for a moment, but the actors were professional and got right back to it without delay. I felt horrible because the playwright was sitting near us and I know he heard that. Finally, "shithead" quit talking and we were able to enjoy the rest of the first act in silence. 

During intermission, "Richard" and I went outside... I don't know where "shithead" went. "Richard" said he had told "shithead" a few times to stop talking before our outburst. We set all that crap aside and talked about other pleasant things while we had the chance. 

When the lights started to flash to signal intermission was over, "Richard" and I went back inside. I still have no idea where "shithead" was. About 10 minutes into the second act, "shithead" walks in the door, again disturbing everyone in the theater. I saw "Richard" lean down and whisper to him, but I don't know what he said... I never asked. Whatever it was, "shithead" didn't sit with us during the second act, he sat in the front row by himself. Ahhh, peace! 

After the reading was over, I spoke to the playwright to let him know I really enjoyed his play and wished him well in getting it produced. "Shithead" also told him that he really enjoyed it... after previously blurting out that it was stupid... ass kissing as usual. 

I didn't talk to "shithead" again after the reading. "Richard" & I went and found "Joe" and we talked for a while and had a glass of wine before I went home. 

There were a few more times after that where "shithead" and I were at the same places, one ridiculous drama after another and it was beyond tiring. Since then, I have avoided him like the plague. I don't want anything to do with anybody like him. Unfortunately, I've also had to cut ties with people I really care about because of this idiot since he lingers around the majority of people I know, but sometimes that's the sacrifice you have to make to keep that kind of toxicity out of your life. I know other people feel the same way about him, but how they choose to deal with him is their business. To me, he's just not worth it. I don't care who he knows. 

So, that was my worst theater experience. 

Now lets talk about proper theater etiquette. 

The definition of "ETIQUETTE is: the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group. 

The definition of "POLITE is: having or showing behavior that is respectful and considerate of other people. 

There are far too many people out there on this planet who have never been taught the meaning of those words... obviously... so let me share some good common sense things you can do to make yours, and other people's theater experience pleasant.

RULE #1

When you go to the theater, whether it be a movie theater or live theater, be on time. When you come in late, it disturbs the other people. If you  have to come in late, do it quickly and quietly. I know the Arclight theaters here in Southern California won't let you in at all if you show up after the movie started, even if you have pre-paid tickets. If you're late to live theaters, it's common for the ushers to keep you in the lobby until there's a point in the play where you'll be the least disruptive before they let you in. 

RULE #2

No talking. If you really have to talk to somebody while a movie or play is in progress, keep it brief and whisper so you don't disturb other people. If it's a major issue, leave the theater. 

RULE #3

This is a big one. NO CELL PHONES!!! PERIOD!!! 

Theaters are dark for a reason. 

In movie theaters, when a cell phone lights up, it interferes with the movie projection display and disturbs everyone around you. 

In live theater, it needs to be dark so the actors aren't distracted and can concentrate on their performance. When a cell phone rings or lights up, it pulls the actor's attention away from their performance and all of their attention is now on you, and all the people around you, faces all lit up. It destroys the atmosphere they're trying to create and can cause them to forget their lines. If it's a play where something physical is happening, like dancing or fight scenes for example, it can distract the actors enough to where they can get hurt. Not to mention the fact that it disturbs everyone else in the audience trying to enjoy the show. 

It's becoming more and more common for actors to stop their performance to confront people on their phones and they won't continue until that person or persons are ejected from the theater. Just ask Patti Lupone, Laura Benanti, Annaleigh Ashford, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Hugh Jackman, Laurence Fishburne, Benedict Cumberbatch, Daniel Craig, Michael McIntyre, Richard Griffiths, James McAvoy. They stop being nice when people use phones during their performances, and I don't blame them one bit. 

Seriously, if you can't go 2 hours without looking at your phone, there's something terribly wrong with you. If you absolutely must look at your phone every couple of minutes, then don't go to a theater.

Be sure to completely silence your phone and don't put it on vibrate. That vibration sound can still be heard, especially in a live theater.

RULE #4

No heckling. If you don't like a movie or play, either sit there quietly until it's over or leave. A lot of people work very hard on those productions and you never know who is in the audience who will hear you insulting their work. It's rude. If you have to talk about how much you hated it, wait until you're away from the theater so no one associated with the production can hear you. 

RULE #5

Don't bring your babies to the theater. Movie theaters are way too loud for their sensitive ears so they'll definitely cry because of that and you'll likely damage their hearing. If you can't find a babysitter, don't go to a theater. 

Most live theaters won't allow children under 6 so that's not as big of a problem there. Be sure to teach your children how to behave in a theater long before you actually go.  

RULE #6

Always go to the restroom before the show starts to lessen the chance you'll have to go during the show and disturb the people around you. Sometimes you can't avoid it, some people have to go more often than others, but going before usually does the trick. 

RULE #7

Eating food is ok at a movie theater, but it's a definite no-no at a live theater. I have sinus issues which causes me to cough. When I go to the theater, I have a small cloth bag in my purse with un-wrapped cough drops so opening the wrapper won't disturb anyone. You'd be surprised at how far a little sound like that travels in a theater. 

RULE #8

Don't wear big, wide hats to a theater. The people behind you won't be able to see. I get self conscious sometimes because I'm 5'7 and I have extremely thick, long hair so I always ask the person sitting behind me if they can see ok. People always appreciate that. 

RULE #9

Don't fidget. Your constant movement also makes it difficult for the person sitting behind you to see. 

RULE #10

Don't show up to the theater intoxicated. Wait until after the show to do your drinking or whatever else it is you do. 

RULE #11

Don't wear heavy perfume or cologne and be sure to shower sometime the day of the show. Keep your shoes on and don't put your feet on other chairs. Especially in small live theaters, odors can be overwhelming to the audience and actors. 

RULE #12

Unless you're in the back row, your public displays of affection can be distracting... and in some cases nauseating... to the people around you. Try to control yourselves if you can. If you can't, go rent a room. 

RULE #13

Try not to fall asleep. In live theaters, especially if you're in the front couple of rows, the actors can see you if you fall asleep. Plus, if you have a tendency to snore, that will definitely be a distraction to everyone in the theater. I know it's common to see elderly people sleeping through shows, bless their hearts. 

RULE #14

I know these days a whole lot of people have animals with them at all times for emotional support, some need service animals like seeing eye dogs, etc, but there's also a lot of people who just carry their pets with them everywhere they go like any other accessory. Keep in mind that there are people who are allergic to animals. When you go to a theater, you're around a lot of people you don't know and you don't know what conditions they have. In a live theater, if someone tells you they are allergic to your animal, be nice about it and see if the ushers can make other seating arrangements for one of you. If you're in a movie theater, move someplace else. It's not fair to them to have to suffer because you have an animal with you. Service dogs are very well trained and will likely just sit and be silent, but untrained dogs will fidget making their tags jingle and some will bark, and always at the most inappropriate times so don't be surprised if you're asked to leave a theater because of that. 

RULE #15

Don't be mean to the staff working at theaters. It's their job to see that each person who paid money to be there has the best experience possible. If you're confronted by an employee of a theater, that means you're doing something you're not supposed to be doing, so stop it. The employees deserved to be treated with the utmost dignity and respect. If you feel an employee is out of line, respectfully and calmly talk to the manager.

IN CONCLUSION

People pay a lot of money to go to the theater and everyone deserves the best experience for that money. It's very simple to be polite and courteous.